Hiding

Working 8 hour days in the library is becoming really disorienting. The fluorescent lighting and sub-freezing A/C make going outside a real shock, and I feel my appendages thawing for at least a half hour after stepping into the warm evenings. Not that I'm complaining; I don't necessarily envy the guys working grounds crew outside in the 105º heat. Actually, I think the hardest part of working here is how much it forces me inside my own head. It has also made me realize how uncomfortable I am with being in there. I find myself blaring music or NPR just to fill the silence, laughing abnormally loud at funny quips on Fresh Air, or voicing existential questions to the cold air during All Things Considered.

I haven't felt like taking the bike ride to the grocery store lately, so I made a batch of muffins last night to have for breakfast for the next few days. It's amazing how strongly smells attach to our memories. The smell of the muffins baking brought back sitting in the cold living room of 449 West Walnut in Kutztown on a snow day, huddled under a blanket with friends, eating breakfast and watching Gone With The Wind. I realized this was the first time I've made these muffins for just myself. I felt suddenly very lonely, until the smoke alarm broke my thoughts and told me they were done.

On a side note, the attack kitten that is sharing my apartment has never been so affectionate as when that alarm went off. I think I have discovered the one thing he fears...